


Stars

by whoknowsman



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coran gets some fucking character development, Coran is sad, DO NOT SHIP THIS OR I WILL DELETE YOUR KNEECAPS, How Do I Tag, I just want them to talk about their feelings, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance has nightmares, Lance is sad, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), has this been done before, lance has insomnia, lance is stressed, oops i did a Sad, pre-season 7, rain is a cool metaphor but it's used a lot and i wanted to be original so., rated T for swear words, stars., this is my first fic i'm trying my best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 20:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16291049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoknowsman/pseuds/whoknowsman
Summary: In which Lance can't sleep, and neither can Coran, of all people.





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nightlyimpala](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightlyimpala/gifts).



> Y'all, this sucks, but it's my first time writing something and I'm trying my best. This was written for nightlyimpala, my favorite Coran stan. She draws amazing art! Check her out on Instagram @nightlyimpala

Lance couldn’t sleep.

 

This wasn’t abnormal on its own. He’d had bouts of sleeplessness at the Garrison all the time, whether he was stressed about a test the next day or couldn’t stop thinking about all the mistakes he’d made that day. He’d sneak out and wander the desert around the campus, counting the stars as he walked. He’d find a club and dance until 3 am, losing himself in a crowd of strangers. He’d grab the guitar in the corner of his room, and play his heart out, flingers flying over chords in a wondrous display of muscle memory, a performance for him and him alone. Nighttime was Lance’s bread and butter, the reason he could keep up his happy facade even when he felt like crumbling. Even when the world was cracking and splitting at the edges, even when he couldn’t bring himself to look in the mirror, he had his night to keep him stable and whole.

 

But night wasn’t like that anymore.

 

He couldn’t sleep for weeks at a time. There would be days he would pass out on the breakfast table from sheer exhaustion. He’d lie awake, shaking from nightmares where he’d made a mistake and doomed whole planets to death. He’d hold his hand over his mouth to muffle sobs as he remembered a family that might not even be alive anymore, that might not even remember him anymore, that would hate him for leaving them if he ever got back home. Nobody seemed to notice anyway. They just chastised him for napping on the job, and moved on, not seeming to see beyond the hastily applied concealer over his dark circles or shaky jokes that grew fewer and fewer in number, until they disappeared entirely. Lance cracked away, bit by bit, and didn’t have the night to cradle him in her arms and make everything alright. He was so incredibly lonely, so full of aches and fear. And nobody seemed to care. So Lance didn’t say anything at all.

 

It was one of those awful sleepless nights again. He’d sat straight up in his bed, close to screaming. It was another nightmare, this time about his death. He could still feel himself slipping away, further and further-  _ i don’t want to die i don’t want to die idon’twanttodie IDONTWANTTODIE _ -could still taste the electricity frying every nerve, each horrific sensation burned into his memory like a cattle brand.

 

He decided to get up and take a walk. He was tired of his room. The walls felt suffocating, trapping him within his mind. So he forced himself out of his bed and padded down the hallway, careful not to wake up the others- _ they deserve sleep they’ll do something with their energy i’ll just make shitty jokes and flirt with girls that’s all they see in me that’s all i’ll ever be i wouldn’t wish this on any of them  _ -he turned corners, not quite sure where he was going. He just wandered through, mind back in Arizona, traversing the big, empty desert. He’d always bring a water bottle and a protein bar, just in case he got stuck out there longer than he intended. There was a space out in the middle of nowhere that always seemed to find his way to. He’d lay back and count the stars, tracing constellations that he knew by heart, committing every position to memory. He’d sneak out during meteor showers and wish for chance to visit the stars for each one he saw fall- _ hilarious i can’t believe it thanks a lot I GOT MY WISH ARE YOU HAPPY  _ -eventually getting up and picking his way back to his dorm.

 

Without even thinking, he found himself in a completely empty room, with all the walls made of glass- _what is it with me and emptiness with empty space why am I so drawn to it is it because i see myself in it -_ He was surrounded by stars, brighter than he had ever seen before. He ran towards the far end of the room, breath fogging up the glass and fingers tracing his beloved constellations. But they weren’t there. He didn’t recognize the stars. 

 

With this horrific revelation swirling around his brain-  _ the world even took my stars the world wouldn’t let me keep my stars i want my stars i want my stars i want to go home  _ -Lance sank to the floor. Tears dripped from tired eyes onto the ground-  _ goddamnit does everything i love have to be taken from me i’m so fucking tired i just want to sleep why can’t i fucking sleep  _ -and Lance couldn’t stop staring at this awful universe that seemed designed to break him.

 

He heard footsteps behind him and whirled around, battle stance at the ready-  _ who’s there what’s going on something’s coming  _ -only to see Coran standing by the door, in a blue bathrobe, wearing a flat expression. He walked into the room, and sat down next to Lance, body language completely unreadable. He looked at Lance, and then smiled softly.

 

He held out a blue handkerchief, embroidered with his initials. Stunned into silence-  _ what’s he doing why is he awake why is he here why does he care _ -Lance took the handkerchief and dried his tears. They sat there in silence for a little while, staring out of the glass, until Lance spoke up, voice quiet.

 

“I don’t recognize them. The stars, I mean. It’s not like I haven’t seen them already, it’s just that I never really looked at them until now and I… don’t recognize them.”

 

Coran looked at him with understanding in his eyes. “You know, Alfor used to love the stars as well. He would sit out here with me and point out every constellation he knew. The Sidra Borealis, the Harlequin Wolf, the Pteromyini.” He traced a finger over the glass in odd shapes, mapping out the constellations of ten thousand years in the past. “ I slept in that pod for ten thousand decaphoebs, and you know where I spent my first night awake? Here. I sat here all night looking for stars I knew and I couldn’t find any. It was awful. I felt so alone.”

 

Lance’s eyes were watering again. “Me too. It feels like I shouldn’t be here. I should be back home. I should be teasing Rachel for stealing my jackets and asking Veronica when she’s going to bring home a girlfriend. I should be playing tag with my nieces and nephews.”-  _ i don’t belong here i never did i never will  _ -“This isn’t my place.”

 

“Who are you to decide that, my boy?”

 

Lance was taken aback by Coran’s bluntness. His voice was entirely flat, but when he looked down at Lance, there were tears in his eyes.

 

“What?”

 

“The universe is cruel, Lance. I won’t deny that. The universe took my wife and my son and my best friend away from me. The universe trapped you, a fine young man who deserves none of this, in a brutal cosmic war at the age of sixteen. She wants to beat you into the ground because that’s all she knows. But she is kind sometimes, too. Before Altea was destroyed, I had Mava and baby Eron to keep fighting for. I needed to keep them safe. Now they’re gone. And it hurts like hell itself, but I can’t just stop fighting. I owe it to the memory of Altea, to Allura, to you and your Earth that you fight so hard for, to keep going. The universe gives us reasons to keep fighting when we can’t fight for ourselves. And I know that everything in you wants to hijack an escape pod and fly home, but the universe needs you. We need you, Lance.”

 

Lance smiled bitterly, one last ditch effort to keep his facade intact. “Them? They don’t care about me.” he said, resigned. “I fucking  _ died _ , and they didn’t say anything. They haven’t even noticed how tired I am. Why would they care if I just went back home?”

 

Coran replies calmly. “Did you notice that I don’t sleep either?”

 

Lance was silent, eyes cast to the floor in shame. 

 

“No, I don’t need your guilt, I need you to listen. I have the same nightmares, Lance. I see fire consuming Altea. I see myself shoved into a pod, screaming for my wife and child. I wake up screaming. I’ve had to soundproof my walls so I don’t awaken the whole castle. I know that you have them too. I haven’t said anything because you seemed to want to ignore it. If we asked how things were, you said they were fine and became silent when we pressed further. You are a very bad liar when you’re tired. I need you to understand that we can’t help you if you keep pushing us away. We care about you my boy. We all do. Please let us in.”

 

Lance finally let go, bursting into tears. Coran opened his arms and he fell in, crying like a child. Coran smelled of food goo and cologne. It wasn’t his mother’s smell of cinnamon and dust, but it was home all the same. Coran set him back upright, and smiled brightly at him, dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief. He reached into the pocket of his bathrobe and pulled out a hologram map.

 

“Well, I was planning on learning all the names of the stars on my own tonight, but I guess I have a partner now, don’t I?”

 

Lance smiles, his mind finally at peace. “ Yeah, I guess you do.”

**Author's Note:**

> An attempt was made, and I don't completely hate it. So that's cool. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Edit: Over 50 hits? That's amazing. I've never had so many people read my writing. Thank you so much!


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